I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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