Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
