What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
