ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
