Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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