doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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