ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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