So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
