his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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