WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
