wanna go halves on a baby?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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