I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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