so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
