So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
