so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
