uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
