the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
