During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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