Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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