third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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