he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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