She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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