Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
