you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
