No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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