if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
