Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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