He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
