Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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