If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
