I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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