Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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