I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
