You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.