I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
