did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS