thanks...oh and i got my period
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink