at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
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we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
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Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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