i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
