pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
