I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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