put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
