People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
