Moan for me like Helen Keller
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Im part way to drunk.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
