I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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