I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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