I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
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He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
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Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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