hotel room ftw
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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