so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I yelled at your uterus for you.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
