I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
