Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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