I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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