I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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