I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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