Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
