im drinking this country out of the recession.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
