i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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