i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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